She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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