I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
