So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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