the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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