Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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