It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
