He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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