I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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