I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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