rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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