So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
