Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
