I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
