Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
