i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
