she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
