In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
