If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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