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it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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