Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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