***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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