I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
