some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
