someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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