The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
