This dress was meant to end up on your floor
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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