she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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