I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
