What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
