Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
