i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
