Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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