I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
