that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize