surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
