how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
