My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
