What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
