I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
