My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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