Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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