We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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