Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
