guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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