at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
