You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
