Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
