Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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