I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
