the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
