She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
