sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
