so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
