so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
