Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
