Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
