we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
