I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
