Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
