You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
