her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
