I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
