who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
