Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
