She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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