When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
