What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize