Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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