We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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