dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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