I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
