I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
