Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
