So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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