hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Terrible idea I love it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
