I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
