A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
