Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
