Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
