I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
