I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
