I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
