Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
