She's JV to your varsity
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
