we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
