the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
