if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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