Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
