i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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