someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
