She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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