Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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