Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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