All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
