My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
