My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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