i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
