U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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