I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
