Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
