you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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