highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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