mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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