My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize