If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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