you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do vagina's smell?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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