There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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