she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
