Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize