I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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