I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ttyl tear gas
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
