Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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