"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
